Update! Where I have been? Why was I being M.I.A? Why am I feeling sad? Why do I think I have depression? What are these negative thoughts doing to me?

                  Update on me! Where I have I been? Why was I being MIA? Why am I feeling sad? Why do I think that I have depression? What are these negative thoughts doing to me? By: Brandee Darden.

Intro to my blog!! 

Hello, my shinning star butterflies. Happy Monday or in different countries, happy Tuesday!! I hope everyone is doing absolutely amazing and fantastic. I am doing okay!! I have my good days and bad days depending on which day it is. So before I get started on today's topic, I want to give a huge shout out to the people who was helping me through my negative thoughts. On Thursday, I was thinking so negative about myself and I didn't feel happy because I was sad and lonely. I am so grateful for my family and friends who were by my side and just being there for me reminding that I am worthy of love and that I know that I am loved. Now, moving onto today's title!! Today's title is going to be about update on me! Where I have I been? Why am I being MIA? Why am I feeling sad? Why do I think that I have depression? What are the negative thoughts doing to me? So, on Thursday, August 19th, out of the blue, I started to cry and think negative thoughts about myself and my future. When I thought about myself in a negative way, that I was so hard for me to process. I couldn't believe it what I was I thinking or doing. My heart was broken when I was thinking the wrong things about myself. That wasn't the real me. It was really crazy!!!

Where I have been/ Why was I being MIA?

Y'all maybe wondering, "Brandee, Why did you not posted a blog post on Friday? You always posted on a blog post on Friday." Well, the reason why I didn't post on Friday is because I was still having those negative thoughts about myself and I felt like I couldn't post on Friday. It hurt me so much. I love writing and typing up blogs for my shinning star butterflies and knowing that I couldn't do it for y'all hurt me so much. I love blogging and changing y'all's live and inspiring everyone that you can chase your dreams no matter what. Do y'all know what was hurting me more than anything in this world? What was hurting me more than anything was not having the motivation to work on a blog post. That was killing me so much. I love blogging and blogging is my life. I love it more anything in this world because blogging is my passion and it truly makes me happy and making my readers happy makes me happy. The reason why I was being MIA and not posting a lot was because I didn't have any motivation to type or really work on blogs or blog ideas which honestly broke me more than anything in this world. I am proud of blogging journey so far and not having the motivation to work on something that I am proud of was very very sad for me. I didn't like that I wasn't inspired to work on something that I really enjoyed. 

Why am I feeling sad??

The reason why I am feeling sad is because of me feeling lonely!! I hate when I feel lonely!! When I hear the word "lonely", I think of being sad all the time and in my own world. I hate being alone because I love being around people who make me happy not sad. I hate being by myself. I love being around laughter because it makes me happy and I want to be happy all the time not sad. Sometimes when I do feel sad, I just want to hide in my own bubble and just cry because I feel like crying is the best way to let everything out and if I let out crying, then I feel better. When I feel sad, I listen to happy songs or at least I try to, but I always ended up listening to sad songs. I hate the feeling of being sad, lonely, and maybe depressed. It stinks because all I want is to be happy but I don't know how to be happy and it really stinks. 

Why do I think I have depression/ What are these negative thoughts doing to me? 

The reason why I do think I have depression is because there would be moments where I am so happy and then, I would have these negative thoughts or feelings about myself and they are just awful thoughts. I would feel so awful about myself that I felt like giving up. Depression runs in my family and thinking me having it and my kids have it in the future, it is a scary thought. I never thought of myself thinking that I would have depression would be a possibility, but now I am seeing it. I get overwhelmed easily and I feel sad at times. It stinks that I could have this diagnoses and it sucks. When I think about these negative thoughts, I think of lowly myself because I feel like I am not worthy of love or no one will love me for who I am as a person and when I think about those negative bringing me down is the worst feeling for me because I used to think about happy thoughts about myself, but now at times I would I think lowly on myself. These thoughts that I would think about is "I'm not worthy of love. I'm not pretty. I would never be pretty. No guy would never love me because I'm plus size", those thoughts like that. I never thought I would have those types of thoughts in my head and it sucks so much. It really does suck. 

In conclusion/ Tip of the day.

Thinking that I might have depression is a scary thing! I never thought of me having it because I was happy at times, but now thinking that I might have it is a lot scarier. If I do have it, I will take it a day at a time and I will never loose this battle. Here is my tip of the day: If you know anyone or yourself have depression or any mental illnesses or you think you do, then please go for some help. There is a lot of people who are suffering from mental illnesses and if you are struggling or your friend or loved one is struggling, please help that person in need. Tell them that "You are worthy of love. You are beautiful/handsome, I will always be here for you", stuff like that. It could help that person out. Please, never beat yourself up just because you are battling through these things. Everything will be okay and everyone can get through this. I believe in everyone. Please, be happy and be positive!!!

Alright, my shinning star butterflies! Y'all have reached the end of my blog! I hope everyone is having an amazing Monday or Tuesday, wherever y'all maybe in the country!! I love y'all and I will see y'all tomorrow. Brandee is out!!! Stay gold like a star and fly like a butterfly!! 

"Only those 
who care
about you
can hear
you when 
you're 
quiet".
-Unknown. I love this quote because you are going to have those people who know you so well and who can read you like a book. They are going to be like "You are not doing okay". They will know that you are not okay and that you need a hug. 

"Be strong.
The 
Beginnings 
To Great 
Things Are 
Always The 
Hardest."
-Unknown. I love this quote because you are going to have time where you want to give up, but you have to be strong for your friends and family. You are going to have hard times, but you can't give up because you are strong.

"Sometimes,
when I say 
'I'm okay. '
I want someone 
to look me in the 
eyes, hug me 
tight and say, 
'I know you're not. '
-Unknown. I love this quote because I wish someone would look at me in the eyes and say "I know you're not". I am going to have times where I think I am okay but at times that I am not okay. I would want someone to hug me and tell me "everything will be okay".